As joyous as I walk daily, knowing in my heart that God has such great plans still for my life, I still have a hole.
In moments when I am alone in my house, even as worship fills my ears thru ear buds, I am often lonely.
I stare down into that hole of being alone, of not having someone to love, to hold, to kiss, to snuggle with, and to share my deepest emotions.
Sadness touches my mind, as I see others find a mate to be with, even if it's just casual dating. How did they find someone? I've wandered in this dessert of singleness, and fight the doubt of ever finding someone.
A scene is Yellowstone, resonates in my soul... Beth and Rip, who love each other wildly, both realize that the hurt they've experienced in past relationships, might taint them from ever really feeling love again. I cried when I heard this, wondering if that was me.. that the depths of her affair might never really truly heal, that I won't ever feel that unconditional love I felt.
But I have to grasp tightly to God, pushing away the searing hurt, the dark doubt, and believe that He will still make a way for that next love of my life.
But man, the seeming endless wait - now more than 7 years! - sure is tough.
God is Jehovah Jireh, my great provider.
No comments:
Post a Comment